All this distancing is kind of an interesting experiment. Some of us like it: it give us an excuse to isolate ourselves (though maybe not so much when it’s imposed!). Others of us don’t like the lack of interaction with others outside our homes. We long for those connections, and realize now how we suffer without them. What I have noticed is the lack of physical touch, or even just how valuable physical proximity with others is. All the same, appropriate distance can be really positive for our relationships. It might be hard to believe, but I dare say the distance can be just as important as the proximity.

It might sound like I am just trying to find something positive in all of this, or just trying to present an alternate viewpoint, but I invite you to consider what is in the space between. Whether imposed or intentionally sought out, there are a few things the physical distance creates that we would not otherwise have. Distance creates deficit, what we might also call “need.” I like to say I am an introvert and pretty independent, but when I am forced to be alone or spend too much time alone, it’s funny how much I then feel the desire for connection.

It is these deficits that lead to a healthy movement toward that which is “missing.” Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Too often, we do not stay in deprivation, or what might be called self-denial, long enough, and just compulsively get what we want or think we need. We are like rats in a lab repeatedly hitting the lever to dispense food or morphine or whatever makes us feel comfortable and anesthetized. We don’t open up any thought about our needs for connection, comfort, etc. because if those amenities are available to us, then we take them and move on. This is what our culture of affluence has taught us.

Living without (even just denying ourselves for a short time) allows us to gain some things, one of which is perspective. When we step back from something long enough to think about why we think we need it, then we may realize we don’t need it quite as much as we thought, and/or at least start to appreciate it more. The distance, then, is a creative force. It helps us think differently, adjust our expectations, figure out how we can live more efficiently. It changes us.

There is something else in the distance, too: the Spirit! What we realize when we separate ourselves from that to which we are so accustomed is that we possess it in a way we did not know we did before. What I have realized when I have lost someone I loved is that when they went away they were present in a different way than before. They do not go permanently. In some ways, they become more real in their absence! That’s hard to explain; it just feels very true to me. When people go, they become present “in spirit.” You carry them around with you. They can be inside you when they are not physically present. As we are absent from others, we realize who they are to us.

If you always have the thing for which you pine readily available, you do not ever have a chance to desire it, which is a problem. There is no impetus to pursue it that is so important. Maybe that is what we are all being forced to practice. Have you ever been in love with someone and then separated from them? There are these powerful impulses to then pursue. Would any of us choose to live without such excitement, desire, motivation? That is what the distance creates, as well as all kinds of creativity and spiritual awakening.