Peace is not made by avoiding or even just reducing the intensity of conflict, but by moving through it with eyes wide open and the knowledge and hope there is something better on the other side. We become belligerent and irresponsible in our communication when we believe there is no hope for resolution or when something we value deeply is at stake. Then we also act in contempt, believing there is nothing redeemable about the other side and that they deserve to be destroyed.

Our dualistic minds perceive only two options. If it must be only this way or that, conflict grinds on with no resolution. To reconcile two things that seem impossible to reconcile, you must understand both arguments are true and not true at the same time. When you are able to perceive there is something other than just the two options, a third path emerges and problem-solving becomes creative. Then much needed complexity is introduced into the system. This is triangling, and the function of any good mediator or peacemaker. The goal is not simply to become third party to the dualistic set; it is also to believe a third way is out there and hold hope for the entire system, until the others also believe a new path is possible.

These issues that feel impossible to resolve are not so. We can fight for and establish rights for every human soul and at the same time not totally forsake our moral compass. It is possible to uphold values that have made our society what it is and also overhaul the whole thing (it needs overhauling). It is possible to have a political system that operates beyond the simple conservative/liberal divide. We need to move past that as a society. This all takes effective conversation.

We have a long way to go engaging in conflict and conversation without hate. But it would be a good start to have a few people willing to hold hope and tension for people they may not like or agree with. None of us knows exactly where this will all end up. It will be some place we have never been before. Most of our leaders don’t appear interested in any nuanced discourse. I guess being willing to do that more complex thing doesn’t sell or get you elected. But I believe there are people out there who can have a patient, non-dualistic mind. We can do it on a small scale as well, and we should.

Unfortunately, this all may get worse before it gets better. We have not yet learned to navigate conflict without causing it to boil over. That seems to be where we are headed. Even if the two sides will not abide peacemakers, there is yet something to hold onto on the other side of this conflict. You must be prepared to endure the conflict until the time to act becomes apparent. Keep holding onto hope.