self-hatred

The Contempt In Us

January 31, 2021

Search any human heart and you will find contempt. It comes in many forms and is unfortunately as natural to us as breathing and eating. It organizes us. Somewhere along the way (probably in adolescence), we start identifying everything we hate – everything we think we are not and everything we do not want to be. This is probably a necessary process of forming our identity; the problem is too often we get stuck there and believe that is the only way to “be somebody.” Long into our adulthood, ... Keep reading

The Practice of Silent Contemplation

September 12, 2020

We must practice this inner contemplative work to connect more deeply with our reality. Especially now, there is a strong tendency for us to focus on and get involved with things external to us: policy, politics, the current crises, and the others around us – some friend, some foe. If we are to engage with others and our environment in an effective way, however, we must work toward becoming non-violent, peaceful and powerful within ourselves, ... Keep reading

The Allure of Imperfection

April 17, 2020

I have always liked imperfect things. One of the ways my high school art teacher taught us to create abstract art is to draw something you see, and then just take certain elements of the thing and stretch them, elongate them, mess ‘em up somehow in your drawing. It’s deconstruction, which we are having to do in so many ways in our lives all the time. We have to destroy and take apart our lives the way they are to get to the next thing and make a better version of what was. I think this kind ... Keep reading

Why We Can’t Change: Moving From Our Heads To Our Hearts

February 23, 2019

We all know the right answers. The irony is we just can’t make ourselves believe them. We know what we should do. We just can’t make ourselves do it. We know we shouldn’t overeat, yet we do. We know we should exercise, but we don’t. We know we should feel better about ourselves and have more confidence, but we go on in our self-loathing. We know our fears are irrational, yet we go on heeding them. No matter how hard we try, we cannot change ourselves just by “knowing the right answers:” ... Keep reading

Transformative Repentance

May 3, 2017

Living in a perpetual state of repentance is the way to change. We are always in brokenness and there is nothing that keeps our hearts tender like saying we’re sorry, turning around and repenting for the things we have done. It is true you make mistakes every day. Why would you not want to live in repentance? The alternative is to not pay attention to the things you are doing wrong or to rationalize and try to convince yourself and others that the things you have done are not that bad. When ... Keep reading

Finding Our Way

August 6, 2016

Believe it or not, your self-hatred is the vehicle to finding love. This goes against some common wisdom which says you should really learn to see your own value. I mean sure, you have some nice things about you, but as you examine yourself, you will undoubtedly find some things that are lacking – even just by your own standards. It is impossible to produce love in yourself since you try to do so by some standardized merit system: “if you do and are such and such, you’re ... Keep reading

Shame Revisited

June 4, 2016

In all the talk about the dangers of shame, we can start to think it is something that can and should be eradicated altogether. If that were the goal, we might be tempted to think everything we do and are is okay and even great. We all know that is not true. You do some terrible, selfish, unloving things sometimes, and so do I. You are full of imperfections and contradictions. So am I. It would be a positive step to no longer prop up our egos and reach a higher degree of honesty with ... Keep reading

A New Story

July 18, 2013

A child who hates himself will act in such a way as to cause you to hate him as well. This is the only safe way he knows to find out if there is something other than hate in the world. He acts this way in order to check and see if there is love for him even when he is at his worst. One of our only jobs with children is to show them that there is something other than the choir of voices that confirm the way they already feel about themselves.